Hormonal Harmony

Hormonal harmony has been restored! The girl that could successfully plan her way out of dire plots commissioned by Hitler himself is finally off the pill!

To look at this beautiful stunner of a friend, (I’ve known her since school so I’ve seen her blossom into a bit of all right) you would never believe an everyday contraceptive pill (naming no names) CILEST would have turned her into - as she would freely admit I’m sure - even more of a weirdo than she usually is.

“To do lists, lists for party invites, “what to wear” lists and “who to invite on holiday” lists: Amanda has a plan for things I can’t even pronounce. But why do we just accept our contraception can work with us and our hectic lifestyles when sometimes, it just doesn't?

I, for one know that as soon as I noticed my love handles padding me against people on public transport and my face looking as if I had a mouthful of gobstoppers, it was time to give the pill-free life a go.

I’ve been on many contraceptives in the past 5 years to various effects: the contraceptive implant, two types of pill and, as much as the Sexual Health Clinics try to convince us otherwise, the rubbery moment killers.

All worked for me relatively well and I don’t want to sound vain or anything, but I looked like a heffer lump. 

My thighs rubbed together in a way I’d only ever seen on Lanacane adverts and my thoughts on my growing stature were cemented when my friends mum commented on me looking particularly “healthy”. I knew things had to change before I was shopping in High and Mighty.

But I wasn’t eating more than normal! I’d never really exercised apart from popping out the Vicky Binns “Dance it off” DVD every other full moon. As far as I was concerned, it must have been my change in contraceptive pill.

“Water retention” was my excuse for my, erm, extra layers and studies have shown that this relatively minor side-effect compared to the risks of breast cancer, cervical cancer and risk of stroke can be increased with long-term use of the pill.

Needless to say, the pill has changed so many women’s lives and is still probably the most safe, effective, non-permanent prevention of pregnancy. I’ll probably go back to it with my tail between my legs at some point, even with the possibility of a dose of the “crazies” side-affect Amanda experienced, or the possibility of gaining some under-the-skin leg warmers.

I truly believe we should listen to our bodies and do what is right for us as women. Not boyfriend’s telling us “sex feels better without condoms” or doctors pushing contraceptives onto us like Brixton dealers but just us, beautiful, free, sexually indulgent women.